Life!

Okay, so there are a lot of things going on in my life right now and I just need to write them all down!
One of the biggest things in life right now is that I am being affected(effected..idk) by the media and am struggling with the way I look. It takes a lot out of me. I know this is just an attack of Satan's but I feel like I have to look a certain way in order to fit in with society. There are times where after I eat something I will go and make myself throw it up and then there are times when I don't eat anything at all. If you know me well, you know that I hate to eat infront of people. Dara can honestly tell you that it has taken me an hour to eat an apple, almost 2 hours to eat a banana, and an hour and a half to eat some yogurt. I DON'T want to have this eating problem but I do. At the church dinner one day I was trying to hide what I was eating so I went into the kitchen and stood next to Sherry. She kept telling me just to BITE into it and I didn't. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I grabbed my piece of watermellon and went into the nursery where no one was around and I could eat my food in peace. Everyone kept askign why I was in there and I couldn't tell them why so I said that I just wanted to be alone for a bit. Which is true but it wasnt the whole story. so, it's still been going on at Kidz Camp I was trying not to eat infront of my girls and by the end of the week I had to. and what I did eat was very little. The same happened at Youth Camp. I didn't really want to eat around people that I had just met. so I would sit with Susan(although I had met her the week before I felt really close to her) or Tawna. There are certain people I can eat around and then there are some who I am learning to trust!
The other thing that is going on is Trust. I have some really big trust issues and I really don't trust that many people. I have been stepped on too many times and that is why I don't trust to many people. I mean, I can open up to some of you but I wont tell you things unless everyone else knows them. That way I feel a bit better! but yeah. Trust is a huge issue for me those who I trust know that I can trust them and those who don't well...Idk if they know it or not. I am trying to learn to trust everyone because if I want to reach out to people I kinda need to get to know them and they kinda need to get to know me. So it a huge dilemma on my part.
Anyways, That's all I have going on that is BIG in my life.
Love, Peace, Hair Grease and God Bless
Heidi